I remember vividly the day I came home from the hospital after giving birth to our first daughter. Before leaving the maternity ward in the hospital, we were only armed with the basic skills of changing diapers and bathing our baby. After our arrival home, my husband and I looked at each other and felt so lost: “now what do we do next with this bundle of joy?” We were basically waiting for our baby to give us the cue to get us started with the daily routines as a little family unit. We were living in Italy with no immediate family around to help us, nor did we have any experienced friends to give us advice on handling a newborn. So, we had to learn on the job and relied on each other for support (including jumping into the shower with our baby still fully clothed, covered in poopoo – long story!). Thinking back, although those first few months gave us an excellent opportunity to bond with our baby, it would have been much less stressful if there were someone around who could answer all the questions I had about the baby or my own physical and emotional condition.
Confinements in various cultures
Growing up in Hong Kong, I have a rough (but biased) idea of what Chinese postpartum confinement is like. My knowledge of it mainly came from the first-hand experience of my grandma who gave birth to 11 babies (yup, double digits!) in the 1930s to 40s and went through confinement almost annually! She told me about “horror stories” which involved consuming chicken soup and at least 10 eggs per day for 30 days, and not being allowed to wash her hair nor leave her bed for the entire duration! So, when it was my turn to enter motherhood, I really considered myself “lucky” that I was in Europe and was not pressured to go through the confinement like my sisters or friends in Hong Kong did. But in reality, modern-day postpartum confinement is not so “unrealistic”, it takes a practical approach that suits our current lifestyles a lot more. Interestingly, there are so many similarities between confinement practices in different cultures. The general idea is to have other more experienced women help the new mother to physically heal, bond with her baby, and take this time to calm her emotions caused by the hormonal changes in her body. All this can be a super positive start for both mother and child on their life journey together. As this article rightly points out, some women might find this experience a bit overwhelming (thus my grandma’s traumatized anecdotes). But I think if given a second chance, I would like to have this precious experience and take advantage of the advice given to me by experienced mothers, to gain more insights on how to better take care of myself and my baby from day 1.
Preparation is key
Confinement or not, postpartum care is still an important healing process for every woman. We all know that the first few months after having your baby are really tough physically and emotionally, no matter how many babies you’ve had (ask my grandma and she would agree!) If you are welcoming your second or third baby, being well-prepared for this period is especially helpful when you also need to take care of the baby’s older siblings. It is too easy to put the children’s needs first and ignore the warning signs of your own body and mind, so keep that freezer stocked, leave the dishes/laundry/housework for later, and enjoy your bonding moments with your baby (and kids)!
Stay Sparky!
Are you ready for Halloween?
It’s time to get your creative juice running again coz Halloween’s just around the corner! After 2 years of “alternative” Halloween celebrations, we can finally celebrate this festival in the traditional way! Since this year’s Halloween is on a Monday, we basically have the entire weekend to immerse in the spooky mood! What kind of fun activities can we do with the kiddos on a Halloween weekend?
Go big or go home
While growing up, we used to hang out regularly with our extended family at our grandparents’ home. One year during Halloween, together with my sisters and cousins, we created a “haunted room” for the adults to visit. We spent the entire evening decorating the room to create this scary experience for our visitors! We got fake spiderwebs, scary masks, black cloth draping over lamps, and of course face paints to turn ourselves into Frankenstein, Dracula, Zombies, and other spooky characters. One of us would be the tour guide to lead the adults to different stations in the room where they could find kid-sized “corpses” and skeletons strewn on the floor or hanging from the furniture. It was so much fun for both adults and kids! Why not turn your home into a haunted house experience for the kids and their friends? Or on a smaller scale, younger kids can build their own scaled haunted house with recycled materials.
Be original!
Then there are the costumes to think about. With an entire weekend to prepare for Halloween, DIY costumes should not be too big a challenge for handy parents and their kids. Nothing beats the sense of pride when children show off the original one-of-a-kind costume that they made by themselves or with their parents! Take a look at this website for some cool and fun homemade costumes. Don’t worry if you are not handy with a sewing machine or needles and thread, there are some no-sewing required costume ideas too! I wish I had access to these great ideas when I had to make my daughter’s first Halloween costume, she was so upset because I dressed her up as Kermit the Frog instead of a cute spooky witch!
Are you bloodthirsty?
Last but not least, a Haunted House experience cannot be concluded without a visit to the dining table to feast on some delicious yet scary snacks to settle the kids’ nerves after the spooky tour. Care for some bloody severed witch’s “fingers”? Or slurp on some muddy punch with an “eye” or two swimming in the cup? I am all for creating a fun party for the parents too, so some Halloween-themed cocktails would be most welcome after we have put in so much effort to make sure the little ones have the best Halloween weekend. So, bottoms up!
To celebrate Halloween, Bombol has created a Sparky filter on Instagram. Come and check it out with your mobile phone!
Stay Spooky!
You got this!
September is here! The kids are all back in school, have settled down to their daily routines, and parents can take a break from trying to occupy their time with Summer activities. Yet with school, comes all kinds of challenges for the little ones and sometimes also for the parents. The children are once again immersed in the school’s social environment where they learn how to interact with one another, and they are facing all kinds of situations among peers that they need to resolve. That’s when sometimes unfortunate incidents like discrimination or bullying happen. As parents, it is hard not to feel protective of our little ones when we learn that they are facing bullies at school.
We are here for you
I remember when one of our daughters was in grade school, she came home one day and told me that for over a month her classmate was being mean to her and asking other friends to gang up against her. Although my first instinct was to contact the school or even reach out to the parent of the bully, through personal experience, while growing up, I know it is important for my little girl to learn to deal with this situation by herself and I would only step in when absolutely necessary. When we were young, if we were going through some rough patches with school friends, we could take a break from the stress when we got home from school. But kids of this generation are prone to both online and in-person social atrocities – the bullying continues online, after school. It can haunt them through text messages and social media, subjecting them to a constant bombardment of cruel comments and snide remarks. There are a few things parents can do to help their kids navigate through this challenge, but I find it most important to give our kids the mental support they need. Family is always going to be the refuge they can escape to when things get tough.
Be smart about it
I think for kids to effectively handle bullies at school, it is important that they understand the probable causes of this toxic behavior. Could the bully be acting out frustrations that were caused by an unhappy home life or lashing out due to a psychological complex of some sort? Actually, encouraging a sense of empathy in our children towards others might help them handle these negative experiences better. It is also handy to “arm” our little ones with a couple of clever comebacks to fight off those nasty comments and end the exchange right there and then. A well-worded (but civilized) reply can catch the bully speechless and get your kid out of the situation.
You are not alone
I can imagine that a child might be reluctant to connect with new friends after having been a victim of bullying. They might have lost confidence in themselves or in others. Yet we need to encourage them to get to know new friends because childhood friendships are so important for the kids in every way from developing social skills to lowering the likelihood of depression. When my daughter was suffering from her ordeal at school, apart from getting pep talks from us, it was most fortunate that she had the mental support of her best friend. She knew that someone her age knew exactly what she was going through, even though they did not go to the same school. And she would reciprocate this support when her friend experienced friendship issues in her school sometime later.
We might not be able to be physically by their side to help them navigate the social challenges at school but giving them mental stability from home and support from their friends can help them overcome any situation like a champ!
Stay Sparky!
Get ready for Round 2
I still remember the sense of accomplishment when our firstborn was finally sleeping through the night at the age of 8 months! Those long months of sleep deprivation and numerous nights of trial and error just to make her sleep a bit longer, I must admit that was one of the toughest periods I have ever lived. We tried everything, from holding her to sleep and then putting her into her crib as gently as you would handle a bomb, to letting her cry it out in the middle of the night while I cried with her outside her room, to sprinkling numerous pacifiers around her so she could grab a replacement anytime hers fell out of her mouth while she slept! We thought the battle was over once she stopped waking up in the night and that our precious baby is finally giving us back our restful nights.
The peace was unfortunately short-lived, and our nightly battles began again when she was a toddler. I am sure many parents have gone through this phase when their 2-year-old refused to go to bed or got out of their own beds to hop into yours. Apart from feeling exhausted after an entire night of fencing off little arms and legs in your bed, we also wonder if the little one is getting enough sleep at all. How come so many toddlers are having these sleep regressions suddenly and how can we help them?
Striking the balance
As your child grows, they might not need 2 naps a day anymore or could go to sleep at a slightly later hour in the evening. Unique to every toddler’s needs, there seems to be a delicate balance between naps and night-time slumber. Another reason could be since they have recently moved into their new “big-kid” bed and can get in and out of bed by themselves, they want to take advantage of this newfound freedom and don’t want to miss out on family activities even after bedtime!
Chase away the boogieman
Toddler-years are also prone to nightmares and night terrors that keep the poor little ones awake at night and afraid to go to sleep alone. According to this article, children at the age of two might not yet be able to tell the difference between dreams and reality. It must be very distressing for them when it happens and of course, they would prefer to sleep with you in your bed and get cuddled to sleep without having to worry about “monsters” or being alone in the scary darkness.
Routine is Key
From my own experience and the numerous parenting websites I visited, setting a good sleep routine is a good start. Every age has an ideal sleep amount and that changes as the child grows older, so it would be best to slowly adapt the sleeping schedule according to their changing needs. I also came across the method of Progressive Muscle Relaxation to help children, and adults, fall asleep. This link also suggests the script appropriate for children from different age groups, up to teenage years. By helping the body to relax, it can also relax the mind and help it release the anxiety built up in the child, be it from a particularly exciting day of activities, overcoming a high fever, or after having a scary nightmare.
We only want the best for our children, and that also includes the best sleep quality they can get! Sleep regression in toddlers is definitely something we cannot ignore. Hope the above information could be useful to help you and your little one to get some restful nights!
Goodnight and Stay Sparky!
Pushing the buttons
Have you ever found yourself playing the referee of a heated argument between your kids? They don’t seem to be able to get along on anything and they are fighting over the tiniest thing just because they want to get on each other’s nerves. Our daughters are 2.5 years apart and since very young they have this strange love-hate relationship that is quite volatile at times. They would be playing and laughing together at one moment and then arguing at the next. It looks like they are testing and pushing each other’s boundaries constantly. As this article rightly pointed out that siblings are the children’s first experience in learning how to handle social interactions with peers and the effects can be long-lasting, well into their adulthood.
Photo by @pamelarescende
It is never fair
I am sure so many of us are trying to raise our kids in the most equal way possible, but it is achievable only to a certain extent. We need to take into consideration the difference in interests, personality, and circumstances in which the siblings are growing up. Our oldest daughter sometimes complains that her little sister always gets to do things at an earlier age than she did: getting her ears pierced, being allowed to go out with friends alone, or trying her first coffee all at a younger age than her! I guess she is right, being the firstborn to inexperienced and sometimes paranoid parents can be hard and I do feel apologetic about it! It is normal and acceptable to feel disappointed or upset and we are there to help them understand.
Photo Credit: @xo_dynaa
A solution to the problem
But disagreements among siblings can never be avoided, the tricky part is to know when to intervene and when to let them resolve the arguments by themselves. In the past 2 years when school kept switching to online learning, our kids found themselves stuck at home for prolonged periods. They were fighting so much to the point that I was at a loss on how to resolve the constant conflicts and that they themselves couldn’t stand it anymore either! One day when I came home from work, they told me that they have looked it up on the internet to see how to fight less and that the methods seem to be working!! I am super proud of them for acknowledging the problem and for being proactive about finding a solution (of course the truce was short-lived, but it was the effort that counted!)
You can always count on family
Photo Credit: @koryssa.anne
After the conflict is over and everyone has calmed down, I try to find the right moment to remind the kids of the unconditional love and support one should always get from their siblings and parents. When they become adults, no matter what life throws at them, they will still have a close relationship with each other and warm arms to turn to.
Stay Sparky!
Learning to be Street Smart
While our kids’ childhoods are filled more and more with electronic devices of which most of which are connected to the internet, they could be exposed to a lot of unwelcomed attention from predators hiding behind fake identities in games chatrooms, apps, or social media. I understand that as technology advances, it is inevitable that they start using various devices at a much younger age and on a more frequent basis than our generation. When we were kids, our parents were warning us about the potential danger when playing outside the house or going on a grocery run to the corner store, and therefore taught us to avoid talking to strangers and stay alert about who could be following us home. The same now applies to how we should educate our kids about internet safety and how to be “street smart” when surfing the internet.
The ugly side of things
I have always been aware of the potential danger we are all exposed to when we have an online presence, but I became extra concerned after listening to this interview of Roo Powell, the journalist who exposed herself as a potential victim to internet predators by posing as a teenager on gaming sites and social media platforms. Roo Powell’s investigation into the ugly side of social media rings alarm bells for all concerned parents around the world. I always thought that as long as our kids don’t have an account on social media platforms they should be safe from catfishes and scammers, but apparently, these individuals can still get to our little ones through well-placed comments on innocent games like coloring apps!
Don’t be a bully
Another threat for this generation of kids is cyberbullying. The average age of children owning their personal smartphone or tablet gets younger every minute, very often thanks to the social isolation brought on by the pandemic. The social dynamics between individuals are significantly different when communicating through text messages or comments on someone else’s social media posts compared to face-to-face interactions. One might feel like they are entitled to use harsh comments or cruel criticisms when hiding behind the “safety” of their screens without concern for others’ feelings. This can be very damaging to the delicate emotions of kids when they are still trying to grasp social skills in the more traditional way, let alone online!
Let’s talk about it
So, it is up to us parents to educate our little ones at a young age how to navigate the dangerous territory called the Internet! Apart from the gradual introduction of technology when they are small, it might be useful to find out as much as possible about the potential dangers they could face and then slowly teach them how to handle them one by one. An important piece of advice I came across from various sources that talk about internet safety for children is to keep an open dialogue with your kids. So that they can come to you whenever they encounter someone or some situation online that bothers them.
Stay Sparky and vigilant!
Should I stay or should I go?
Summer is officially here, are you going to take some time off and take a vacation? Have you planned your family’s Summer holiday down to the minute, or do you prefer to be spontaneous and let your moods guide you? If you are still looking for inspiration, let’s explore some holiday ideas for 2022!
The travel itch
I know many of us are itching to travel again, and the best moment to get away with the entire family would be the summer when kids’ holidays are the longest. But airlines and hospitality businesses around the world have only just started to operate with higher capacity, so services both in terms of availability and efficiency might not yet be at the optimal level. Actually, this Forbes article paints a pretty grim picture of what it’s like to travel this Summer! For those who are still determined to brave the unknown, it would be wise to research a bit more on some travel hacks that might help you navigate these unknown waters in the best ways possible.
Bunker down for some family fun
After considering all the things that could possibly go wrong during one’s trip, the idea of staying put and enjoying a relaxing Summer doesn’t sound too bad after all. But we have all explored the local attractions nearby already since we were given plenty of time (2 entire years to be precise) to do so! Some creativity and imagination are certainly necessary to get the ball rolling, here are a long bucket list of Summer activities for your inspiration and I am sure there is something for everyone!
Little chefs in the making
Nothing beats cooking up a storm in the kitchen with the kids during a long Summer day! Frozen fruit lollies, refreshing salads, and maybe some homemade ice-cream? Gather a few little friends together and the kiddies can have an ad hoc cooking class, making fun and yummy snacks from kids-friendly recipes. I also love snuggling up with the kids for a movie marathon while munching on some homemade caramel popcorn, this is my favorite recipe!
Summer should be a season to slow down and spend some quality time with the family. So, no matter what we decide to do this Summer, enjoy the precious moments with your loved ones and regenerate yourselves both mentally and physically!
Have a Sparky Summer!
The role of a modern father has become more multi-faceted than ever, being the breadwinner for the family is no longer the only role he plays. As many moms take on an active role in contributing financially to the family, dads are shouldering more responsibilities in the household too. Additionally, the recent trend of remote working seems to have become a new norm that is here to stay. So, many fathers are now sharing the important role of caregivers in the home. Just like the mothers who need to balance work and family, fathers are facing the same challenges. So, Father’s Day is the perfect occasion to thank them for the wonderful things they are doing for their families!
Natural born fathers
Let’s not let the stereotypical role of a father mislead us! Men are great caregivers, and they can do just as splendid a job in raising the kids as moms. Some dads seem to have this magical touch to make the most mundane things fun and exciting for kids. I love these computer-edited photos a dad took of his kids when he spends time at home that shows all the fun he has with (and of) his kids! When given the chance, many fathers would rise up to the occasion and take on any chore given to them if it gives them the chance to bond with their children.
Dad to the rescue
I remember when our first daughter was born, my husband was a freelance designer working from home, and he proved to be invaluable to me and our baby in those first few months. Our little one was so relaxed and content in her bouncer that she tended to have her bowel movement whenever she was in it! Due to my lack of skills with the diaper, there would be frequent “vertical explosions” on her back all the way up to her hair! Now, as a new mom, how do you hold your screaming baby with one hand and peel off her onesie with the other without accidentally dropping her or getting her face full of “liquid gold”? At this moment, hubby would come to the rescue by dropping whatever he was doing and taking our baby into the shower with him so I could hose both of them down while he hugged her close and kept her calm. My hero who came to our rescue deserved a gold medal!
Photo: @disasterswithdad & @ellijunior
The unsung hero
There are also many dads who are the primary caregivers for their children, and that is certainly not an easy task. Although they are perfectly capable of taking on this role just like their female counterparts, there are so many stigmas and challenges they must face. There might be a misconception from the grandparents’ generation that men who choose to stay at home with their children are not career-minded or not “masculine” enough. So many social gatherings that involve children are usually attended by mothers, so dads might feel under-represented or isolated. Yet, in reality, stay-at-home dads contribute so much to their children and family but they just don’t get as much recognition as fellow full-time mothers. The special bond that a child has with their parents should not be a privilege reserved only for mothers, but also for fathers too!
Happy Father’s Day to all Sparky Dads!
Graduating to the next level
Ever since we become parents, we face difficult questions and decisions from day one, all without absolute right or wrong answers: breastfeed or formula? Sleep training or co-sleeping? Disposable or reusable diapers? When you thought you have gotten through one important growth stage’s worth of questions you are just bombarded with the next stage – it’s like you are in a never-ending game of Candy Crush! Once you have survived the initial couple of years of your baby’s life focusing on their physical well-being, you are now on the next level of the game: Parenting.
Does style matter?
I imagine the style of parenting is much influenced by your own experience while growing up. We might want to avoid making the same mistakes as our parents did when we were kids. There is also the social influence of what should be the ideal way of bringing up one’s children. Information is only a click away so modern parents like to do all the research they can get and then make up their own minds, but most of the time due to the overflow of information it only gets more confusing the more we read! Two polarizing parenting styles have emerged in the past couple of decades: Helicopter parenting and Free-Range parenting.
The Hands On Approach
Helicopter parents tend to keep their children on a super short leash and are extremely involved with everything their kids do, sometimes even until their children reach adulthood. I am sure in most cases we do it out of love and want to make sure they have the smoothest-sailing youth possible and a great head start in life when they are older. But too much attention and control on the kids can have adverse effects, which in turn can lead to psychological issues for the little ones. It might not be obvious to the parents involved because they are so deep into it, so sometimes it helps to take a step back and reflect on ourselves if we are heading that way.
Let it Go
Another extreme would be Free-Range parenting, which has the opposite philosophy of Helicopter parents. Free-Range parents let their children develop independence at a relatively early stage and tend not to impose much structure on their kids’ learning experiences. The little ones develop problem-solving skills and self-confidence through their daily interactions with others. However, some might argue that parents could jeopardize their children’s safety in certain situations when they are not ready for the challenges at such a tender age.
The Best Formula
There is of course no one-size-fits-all parenting formula. I guess it all boils down to the child’s individual development, intellect, and personality to determine the most suitable parenting style for them. However, what I find really true is that there are some basic parenting tips that are suitable for ALL kids and that moderation is key to everything, including parenting.
Stay Sparky!
What is the best gift for Mother’s Day?
Did you have a nice Mother’s Daycelebration this year, with breakfast in bed, flowers, hand-drawn cards, and the works? When the kiddies are small, they are so enthusiastic about celebrating the day with you that you can hear them in the kitchen busy cooking up something special at 6 am. You try to calm your urge to go see what mess they are making or not to worry about how much cleaning up would be required after the celebration! To be really honest, I think many of us, mothers, have this secret wish to celebrate our special day by just sleeping in and having a non-eventful relaxing day!
Photo courtesy of @suelen_cantelli
Supermom
It was only after becoming a mom of two little girls did I realize the mental and physical strength required to provide and maintain a stable and safe haven for them to grow up. I am a natural-born worrier (not warrior, oh how I wish!) and I like to plan ahead with everything so that I have to worry “less”, which I think in the end makes me worry more? So, getting all the daily routines in place, and making sure birthday parties and extra-curricular activities run smoothly as planned, took up a lot of energy both mentally and physically. Having a full-time job AND building a start-up company while doing all that certainly did not make things easier, especially during our daughters’ infant and toddler years. Thinking back on those days, they were my driving force, the thought of getting huge welcome hugs from them when I got home from work helped me get through every day. They made me feel like I had superpowers to keep everything going despite how exhausted I felt!
Mothers should not be martyrs
I think of my mom every Mother’s Day, of how she always put her husband’s and her children’s needs before her own. The lost opportunity to pursue her own interests or having her personal time took a toll on her years later. Realizing maybe many fellow mothers are heading towards the same path makes me wonder if this is the only way to being a “good” mother? Is there a more balanced approach where we can turn this into a WIN-WIN situation? I can’t agree more with this article written by Kelsey Borresen on how good mothers don’t need to be martyrs. Mothers of our generation are being piled on (both by ourselves and society in general) with a lot more expectations to be qualified as a “good” mom. The feeling of failure or guilt is overwhelming whenever we don’t manage to live up to those expectations.
Let’s set a good example
It probably takes big efforts to break through this sense of duty and guilt whenever we want to put ourselves first for just one second and take a breather from it all. But it is also essential that we take care of ourselves to rejuvenate our mind and body from the demanding daily tasks, so we can be there for our kids whenever they need us most. In my case, I would like to also set a good example for my daughters to be a “balanced” mom who takes care of both her family AND herself. Hopefully, if they become mothers one day, their idea of being a “good” mother would be a less sacrificial one.
